The man who peeled yams and cut his left index finger with the knife wouldn’t throw away the yam, even if he so wished, others watching wouldn’t allow him. For they having no food to eat might later eat themselves, so they begged for their stomachs not directly but by treating the yam peeler._ – “`Divinefavour (2020)“`
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is far beyond the common perception of man, which is physical abuse. In this discourse, domestic violence characterizes aggressive behavior at home in various manners: this involves the exploitation of an individual with whom the victimizer has or has had a personal, intimate, or spousal relationship. Put differently, domestic violence is an attempt by an individual deeply immersed in a relationship or marriage desperately seeking to have absolute dominion or control over the other being (man or woman).
Domestic violence is a generic term that encompasses physical violence, emotional violence and manipulation but not limited to physical abuse and assault only. Victimizers have one major goal and purpose, to gain and maintain total control over their victim. As regards domestic abuse or violence, an abuser doesn’t “play fair.” An abuser uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.
It is imperative to note that domestic violence or abuse can happen to anyone just as it is in the case of Gift Camille, Lilfrosh’s girlfriend; it does not discriminate. It occurs in all forms of heterosexual relationships, within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. Truth be told, while women are more often victimized, men also do experience abuse—especially verbal and emotional. Basically domestic violence is very bad, regardless you are a man, woman, lady, adolescent etc. You have the right to feel esteemed, honoured, respected and to feel safe.
The case of Lilfrosh assaulting his girlfriend Gift Camille, which has attracted floods of comments all over the air and stir the society’s heart with a mixture of bitterness, sympathy and call for justice can be much more understood through the lense of ‘liquid love’ than mere domestic violence.
Giddens, Beck, Beck Gernsheim, Zygmunt Bauman (2003) rightly posited that in the world we are today, relationships are ‘the hottest talk of the town and ostensibly the sole game worth playing, despite their notorious risks’.
Bauman in his book liquid love, explains the ‘fraility of human binds’, the feeling of insecurity to which this fraility leads, and our responses to it. Among such fraility are domestic abuse and violence. Perhaps the fraility of Lifrosh was his inability to control or tame his anger over the years. However, the ‘society’ as described by Bauman to be ‘a liquid’ explains clearly why it is fast contributing to the reason relationship bonds today no longer last long.
Bauman clearly stated that in a world of rampant individualization, relationships are a mixed blessing, filled with conflicting desires which pull in different ways. On the other hand, there is the burning desire for freedom, for loose bonds that we can escape from if we chose. On the other, there is the greater security that is gained by tightening the bonds between partners and ourselves.
From the above, the current mishap of lilfrosh could be seen as an ugly testimony of conflicting desires between himself and his beautiful Jewel Gift Camile. But be that as it may, in what way has the society ( we) helped to ensure the greater security of both partners? Is it by loosening the bonds between the partners (calling for the head of the victimizer to be hanged) or by tightening it (ensuring the safe survival of Gift Camille, ensuring lifrosh learnt his lesson the right way and perhaps a possible reunion of both?
While my favorite king Davido has severe all forms of relationship with Lilfrosh and have also terminated his contract, such blunt action is indubitably justified upon the presumed fact that Davido as a person may not turn his girlfriend’s to a punching bag or a boxing opponent, or ever hurt her cheeks all in the name of killing a fly perching on her neck. Although circumstances may change people. Fact! This rightly said, simply justify a popular adage that “Lifrosh can not eat his cake and have it.”
Loose bond : The society’s role in broken relationships, homes and marriage
Attempts to cream(enjoy) the sweet delights of relationships while omitting its bitter and tougher bits as shown by some who supported the sacking of lifrosh, death sentence and lots more will only lead to a society of detached couples. Perhaps a more disciplined and cautionary step would have been to put Lilfrosh under disciplinary measures (suspension for maybe 6 months) and order him to pay a public apology to his wife while also making a huge vow not to touch the beautiful angel again, considering that the egg himself had cracked, has been seen by the public. Such pain can’t be easily forgiven at all, not even by the faithful lovers of the beautiful camille.
The truth in today’s world.
Bauman’s ideas are certainly insightful, but you see the world we live in nowadays, while some people points a finger at another, four fingers points backs at them. So many among the critics of lilfrosh do verbally insult and emotionally hurt their partners at home thus making them depressed and traumatized. However how many would come to the media to showcase their frailities?
Attention is perhaps not given to the fact that domestic violence can be exhibited in so many forms ranging from physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual assault, financial abuse, to social and spiritual abuse but not limited to the aforementioned.
Well let’s spill the truth!
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse in most cases often goes unrecognised, but it is the most painful and can be very devastating. Most men or women who hurts their partner emotionally expresses such by chopping away their partner’s feelings of self-worth and independence.
Sexual Abuse
The term ‘sexual abuse’ is a broad generic term that encompasses indecent assault, forcefully sexual intercourse, sexual molestation, rape and a myriad of unwanted sexual actions by offenders as a way to fully control and exercise lordship upon their victims. Unfortunately, those who engaged in sexual abuse in most cases do smile and get away with it easily. Too bad!
Financial Abuse
This is not uncommon in today’s world especially here in Nigeria. But alot of partners (victims) have decided to accept it as a way of life, drinking the garri with sand you know. This form of abuse is practically obvious when someone close to you is exercising full control over your finances (income, salary, bank account) expenditures and having unsecured access to your money, and keeps you financially dependable on them so that you will always have no choice but to kiss their toes and beg for money, this is the most common and worst form of domestic violence ever among Nigerians. But who will bell the cat?
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse in the Nigerian contest is much more of a form of a domestic violence that encompasses both sexual and physical abuse. This involves the victimizers preventing you from having your own opinions about certain events that must have happened or that the victim has been accused of. As a result, the victim is always at the mercy of the victimizer who will go the extra mile in piercing through the victims thought causing him or her to have doubt on certain things (peculiar to spirituality) in order to make him or her feel powerless, desperate and care less to do anything to be okay. as a result, the victims body is no longer safe, rape evolves, sexual harassment, emotional destabilization etc.
The way forward: message to victims and victimizers
This is a lesson for every victimizer, what is bad is bad. While the law is taking it force upon Lilfrosh, victimizers, it is not too late to please change. Please stop it. Be that as it may, Nigerians we need to help lifrosh and his girlfriend Camile the right way. She has done the right thing by speaking out. Yes!
For every victims, If you are in a relationship where you are being hurt or threatened, it’s important to know that you don’t have to stay and you don’t have to deal with it on your own.
For every victim of domestic violence out there, please know your worth. If someone is hurting you, or threatening to hurt you, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence or feelings of self-worth. You might even want to blame yourself. Recollect that it’s never alright for somebody to hurt you or take steps to hurt you. The best thing you can do in this circumstance is to get some help.
Also, reconnecting with friends or family can remind you of who you are and how much other people love and care for you.
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